Story Starlet

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

I don't know how to start this thing. Dr. Ramirez says writing a diary is just for my benefit. But I already know all this stuff, so why keep one at all? Maybe I'll forget something? Or maybe I'll want to read it when I'm an old lady? That's hard to imagine. For some reason, I feel like I should do it anyway. Dad seems like he's really trying this time. I guess I'll try too and see how it goes.

Dad took me and Wynn yesterday. He made us go to bed early the night before, which was weird. We've tried a few therapists already, but Dr. Ramirez was different. First of all, her office was the bluest room I've ever seen. The carpet was grey blue. The walls, the curtains, the couches, all blue. Even her dress was blue! I think she really likes that color. 

She started with the normal questions we were used to. How is our home life? All of us could tell you it sucks, but our answers would be completely different. Dad wants us all to get along and stop fighting. Easy for him to say. I'm not the disagreeable one.  When Wynn and I fight, it's because she starts it. What am I supposed to do, not stick up for myself? It's his fault for not controlling her! It's mom's fault for leaving! Sometimes I think Wynn just wants anything to be mad at, and it doesn't matter what. Or she wants everything provided for her, and to be left alone in her room. Can you believe she turned fourteen last month? She's four years older than me and still acts like such a baby!

That's how the conversation went. Not word for word, but you get the idea. Dr. Ramirez started taking notes, then held up her hand when she heard enough. Amazingly, Wynn actually shut up. I could tell dad already had another headache. Dr. Ramirez told us we were good candidates for her process, but warned it would be "unorthodox".

I heard that word last week too. Aunty Imogen came over to see dad after bedtime. I couldn't sleep and overheard them talking. I'm pretty sure he was crying. That's when she told him about Dr. Ramirez. She used the word "unorthodox" at first, then "taboo". I looked the words up on my iBook. Apparently taboo means forbidden. Why would aunty Imogen tell dad to take us to a "forbidden" therapist? 

Dr. Ramirez explained that she uses hypnosis in family therapy. Okay, so that's a little weird, but taboo is a stretch. Still, the idea of being hypnotized in front of dad gave me butterflies. Wynn started yelling again. I think it gave her butterflies too because she was blushing like crazy. Dr. Ramirez talked her down and convinced us to at least give it a try. She lit a mint scented candle, gave us a glass of bitter tasting orange juice, then had us lay on the couch together. Dad knelt on the floor, his hands covering our foreheads like he was praying to us or something. It was hard not to laugh. Then I noticed the warmth from his hand spreading over my face, and I didn't exactly feel like laughing anymore. We closed our eyes and Dr. Ramirez spoke in a soothing voice. Everything  after that was like a dream. I think I remember Dr. Ramirez' voice (in my head it sounded like my own voice) telling me to retreat to a safe place. I imagined myself drifting into my dad's arms, like I was on a raft, floating in the water. I could feel the warmth from his hand spreading from my face to my chest, down to my stomach, then down to my... never mind. This isn't a dream journal.

Dr. Ramirez told us hypnosis isn't like in the movies... people don't usually black out and forget everything. Well, if I didn't black out, maybe I got so relaxed that I fell asleep? I hope I didn't mess everything up... I wonder if Wynn remembers. I'm kind of scared to ask her. 

By the time I woke up, it was already over. Dad's face was beet red for some reason. Oh god. Did I say something to embarrass him? Was I dream talking?

Dr. Ramirez asked dad if he understood everything and he nodded, still blushing. What did they talk about? Did it have to do with the hypnosis? Why did I have to pass out? Ugh! Then she told us about keeping a diary, and about "obeying" dad. For some reason that word gave me butterflies again. "It's really important if any of this is going to work."

If any of WHAT is going to work? Why do I feel like I'm missing something?

And then we were leaving. Apparently I'd been asleep for almost an hour. Was the entire therapy session just hypnosis? Like I said, Dr. Ramirez is weird. But it didn't end when we walked out of the building. Things just kept getting weirder.

When we got home, dad sat us both at the dining room table. He looked as deadly serious as that time he made me have "the talk". After a long silence, he finally spoke up. "There are going to be some big changes around the house," he said. He could barely get another word out before Wynn was yelling again. She's not fond of the "house rules" we have already, so I get why she would throw a tantrum over adding more. But dad seemed to have an answer for everything. "You already both agreed to give this a try." That was true, but I didn't really get what "this" was that we agreed to. Apparently it was more embarrassing than I could have imagined. Dad raised his voice to cut Wynn off. "We went through all the trouble of going to see Dr. Ramirez. The least we can do is put in some effort!"

"Fuck Dr. Ramirez!" Wynn shouted.

For a few seconds, dad looked angrier than I've ever seen him. It kind of scared me. Then the expression was gone and he just looked sad. "Take off your pants and lie across my lap."

We both knew what that meant. We got plenty of spankings when we were little. Mostly from mom, but sometimes from dad. But we aren't little anymore. I expected Wynn to blow her lid, but she didn't. She stopped yelling immediately. It was like he'd put in a cheat code. She pulled down her pants and panties right there in the dining room, then draped herself over his knees! He took a deep breath and actually started smacking her ass! And I don't mean lightly. I can still hear the slaps echoing in my head. She started whimpering. I looked away, feeling embarrassed. 

Dad barked my name in a stern voice that made me jump. "Eyes up here. You need to watch this." He turned his chair to give me a better view. He kept smacking her, and her cheeks started to redden. Her legs turned to jelly as she started to cry, and I could see a glimpse of her pussy. I wanted to look away again, but I knew dad would yell at me. Was he making me watch as a warning to behave? Or was it another part of Wynn's punishment? He spanked her ten times in total, then let her stand up again. She took her spot beside me, quietly crying.

If you're thinking, "Okay, a hypnotherapist and a dad spanking his kids is weird, but at least it ends there," have I got some bad news for you. My life just keeps getting weirder by the minute.

"If you're going to behave like babies, that's how you're going to be treated from now on. That includes wearing diapers." My heart skipped a beat. I looked at Wynn, expecting her to say something, but she was still rubbing her eyes, sobbing. I guess all the fight had been spanked out of her. 

He said more stuff after that, but I could hardly follow after the diaper news. What am I supposed to do with that? Apparently he's going to take us shopping for diapers tomorrow. Wynn is sleeping as I type this all out. I'm not sure how she can sleep at a time like this.

Why does the whole thing give me butterflies? Maybe I should just try not to think about it. Maybe Wynn has the right idea. I think I'll try to sleep.

Signed,
Ashley

Thursday, June 20, 2002

Remember when I said my life keeps getting weirder by the minute? Yeah, you can multiply that by a hundred. Dad wasn't bluffing about the diaper thing AT ALL. He took us shopping after he got home from work. Wynn looked like she wanted to say something on the car ride, but I think she thought better of it. Dad had trouble actually finding the right size to buy for us. We hadn't thought of taking measurements beforehand. I guess it's not something you'd really think about because you don't generally buy diapers for kids our age. We ended up having to ask a clerk. The way dad explained it, he made it sound like Wynn and I were bedwetters! We left with a shopping cart full of diapers and some baby powder. Even the cashier made a joke about it. I've never been so mortified in my life! Wynn's face was red and I'm sure I looked the same. 

I was still thinking about the whole experience when we got home. I hardly considered the idea that we'd actually be wearing the things. Dad went upstairs and came back with a towel, spreading it on the living room floor. "Go on, you two. Strip down to your shirts."

"What?" My voice came out like a mouse.

"How else am I going to put on your diaper?" We looked at each other, trying to find a way out of the situation. I would have preferred to put it on myself, but I think that was out of the question. The butterflies were back. My heart was pounding. Wynn started to pull her pants down first. I guess that made it easier. I tried leaving my underwear on. That didn't work. "Panties off too, Ashley!" dad said. 

Wynn was naked from the waist down, just like the other day. "You know what he meant, dumbass!"

My blood was boiling at that, but dad cut me off before I could think of a comeback. "Wynn, do you want another spanking like last night?"

That shut her up immediately. She shook her head, staring at the floor. "No, daddy."

I summoned all of my bravery and pulled off my panties. It felt so weird being naked in the living room like that. Dad pulled me down to the towel by the hand. He pushed my ankles apart, making me spread my legs. He was gentle, but didn't give me a choice. I tried to cover my crotch but he pulled my hand away. "Don't touch yourself like that. It's not hygienic." I covered my face in embarrassment instead. I could hear Wynn snickering. I heard the sound of the diaper box opening, and the crinkling of the diaper. "Lift up your butt," dad said. I waited for something to happen. "Up!" This time I listened. I lifted myself off the towel and he slid the diaper under me. I waited for him to pull the diaper up and do the straps, but I felt him move away. I looked through my fingers to see him grabbing the baby powder. "You don't want to get a rash," he said. He opened the bottle, shook some powder onto his hand, then he started rubbing it into me. He actually put his hand right on my pussy! No one has ever touched me there before. Well, if I think about it, dad must have changed my diaper as a baby, but that doesn't feel like the same thing at all. His hand was warm, and shaking a little. For some reason, it made me think about being hypnotized, about my dream of drifting on a wave and feeling safe in his arms. He started to rub the powder around my crotch and the butterflies weren't just in my tummy anymore. I heard Wynn gasp. He pulled his hand away and finished doing up my diaper. He was blushing, just like in the therapy session. I realized I wasn't hiding behind my hands anymore, and had been totally watching everything. Dad turned to Wynn. "Your turn."

I got up and watched him do my sister. It felt weird seeing the whole thing from a different perspective. When Wynn spread her legs, I noticed she had light brown stubble that matched her hair. I guess it made sense she had hair down there, but I'd never thought about it. I had no idea she shaves! I wonder when I'll start growing hair. 

We spent the rest of the evening together, watching movies. Dad says we're going to have "mandatory family time" from now on, every night. It felt weird hanging out wearing only a shirt and a diaper, but dad says he's going to start buying us new clothes. I'm guessing it's not going to be halter tops and capris.

Wynn tried to pick a fight with me before bed. Dad told us earlier that we weren't allowed to use the toilets without permission, but Wynn got the idea that midnight trips didn't count for some reason. At least, not if we didn't get caught. Apparently anything I said in response just made me a "daddy's girl". I would never tell her, but she did have one good point. Did dad really expect us to use the diapers? We were both whispering because we knew what would happen if dad caught us fighting again. Anyway, I don't think she was actually that angry because the fight didn't last long. We started talking about how weird the last two days had been, about mom, and about how it felt when dad put the diapers on us. I thought about telling her about the butterflies.

Just as I was falling asleep, the sound of crinkling woke me up. Wynn was moving around in her bed, next to me, making a quiet whimpering sound. I tried to focus my eyes in the pitch black. At first I thought she was crying. It took me a minute to realize she was touching herself! I wish I could call her weird. I mean I've done it too, but only ever in the shower, or when she was at a friend's house. But I started thinking about dad touching me, and spankings, and "forbidden" therapy, and I couldn't help it. It's never felt like that. I guess this makes us both weird. 

Signed,
Ashley

Friday, June 21, 2002

I'm not sure how young I was when I last wore a diaper, but when I woke up this morning, I recognized the wet crinkling against my crotch immediately. I covered my mouth before I accidentally woke up Wynn. I thought maybe she had the right idea and wished I'd snuck a trip to the toilet. I tried to think of places to hide the diaper, but I'd need to steal a new one. I barely had a minute to brainstorm when dad called us downstairs. Wynn grumbled and stomped out of her covers, pulling her night shirt down to hide the diaper. When he led us into the bathroom, my heart sank. There would be no way to hide it. He was going to see my wet diaper. I don't know why, but I thought for sure he was going to be mad.

"Come on, Ashley," he said, patting the towel. 

Before I realized it, I was on the floor, legs in the air, letting him pull the velcro straps away. The bathroom air pressed at my wet crotch. At that point, I was doing my best to hold back tears. "I'm sorry," I said, but my voice was so distant I don't think he heard me.

Wynn giggled and dad scolded her immediately. "Enough of that! What do you think the diapers are for? There's nothing wrong with using them."

I covered my face as he pulled the diaper away then grabbed some wipes to clean me off. It tickled but felt nice. If I kept my eyes covered, I could pretend I wasn't completely exposed. After a moment of laying there waiting, I felt the baby powder, then his warm hand rubbing it into me. Just like last time, I couldn't stop myself from watching through my fingers. Dad was touching my pussy! I thought about last night--about touching myself. His fingers felt different from mine, sending butterflies up my body. Before I could think any more about it he was already helping me up. Instead of putting a new diaper on, he made me strip naked!

"You two are going to share a bath," he said. "Come on, Wynn. Your turn." He laid her down and pulled her diaper off, frowning when it was dry. She was already making excuses before he could get a word out. Apparently, she didn't have to pee, but it only took a glance in the toilet to discover her lie. "Take off your clothes. Now." We both knew what was next. Just like last night, I expected her to talk back, or storm out of the room. Instead, she slumped her shoulders and stripped off her socks and night shirt! The old Wynn would have never done that. Did the hypnosis really do something? Did it do something to me? He pointed at the towel. "On your hands and knees." Again she did as she was told. He nudged her so her butt was pointed at me, then started spanking her. After the second slap, her knees bent and I could see her pussy. I felt naughty watching her like that, but I knew dad wanted me to look. The butterflies were swarming, rising in my chest. He stopped after ten spanks, leaving her whimpering on the towel. He ran the water as he rubbed cream on her butt. She was staring daggers through her tears but she let him do it. He gave us both a lecture about the toilet. Apparently we can still go to the bathroom, but only with permission, and only for number two. I guess even dad has his limits. If we get caught using the toilet just to pee or sneaking bathroom trips, he says there will be more punishments. I'm glad I didn't try anything sneaky. 

It was weird being in the bath with Wynn. It's one of those big triangle hot tubs, so it's not too small, but we haven't been naked together since I was a baby. If I stretch out, my feet almost reach the other corner, which means Wynn and I have to scrunch up to avoid kicking each other. What's worse is dad wanted to wash us himself! Wynn said we could wash ourselves but dad wouldn't hear it. According to him, he had to treat us like babies in "every matter of life". That didn't just mean diapers and spankings, but bathing too. When he started to wash under my arms, I couldn't help but squirm. I didn't mean to, but I started splashing him with water. 

Wynn said, "This isn't how you used to do it, remember? You should just get in the tub." Even though I could tell she was being sarcastic, he shook his head and stood up.

"You're right. I'm being silly." I don't think either of us expected him to actually agree, but he pulled off his shirt, then his pajama bottoms and underwear. It's been so long since I've seen dad naked, I think I've forgotten the memory. Not anymore. Now It's burned into my mind. I know one thing. I've never seen his penis so big. It was hard like we learned about in school. I've seen diagrams sure, but I've also looked up pictures on my iBook. I'm not a total prude. I know what it means when a guy is turned on, and dad was turned on! He didn't say anything about it. He just got in the bath with us. Wynn was blushing. I wonder if she could feel the butterflies too. With three of us in the tub, there wasn't even room to scrunch up. Our legs were all tangled. "Come on, Ashley," he said, then pulled me close to him, turning me around in the water. His voice was quiet, now. I wonder what he was thinking about. He washed us like it was completely normal, but it felt romantic. I had to hold my breath when he washed my pussy. My mind went back to the hypnosis. Were we naked in the dream, too? When it was Wynn's turn, I couldn't stop myself from staring at his penis below the water. For some reason, when we were clean he didn't wash himself. Instead, he got us out of the tub and put us on towels, then left the room and came back wearing pajamas. "I'll take a real shower later," he said while putting our diapers on. His hands were shaking a little. I was going to ask if he was okay but he kept talking. "We've got a lot to do today, no time to lose."

I was completely right, by the way. When dad said he was going to buy us new clothes, it was not anything fun. We spent the day visiting thrift stores, buying oversized baby clothes, and dad wasn't quiet at all about them being for me and Wynn. This old lady at Once Upon A Child gave us free rattles and soothers. I think she thought it was hilarious. I officially wanted to die. That would have been bad enough. But then we got home and dad completely emptied out our dressers! He says we can get our normal clothes back when we "grow up" again, whatever that means. I finally lost my temper. It was stupid and I wanted to take it back, but it was too late. There's not really much to say. Dad made me get naked, just like Wynn. He spanked me and made her watch. It hurt, and it was just as embarrassing as I thought it would be. Then he made me put both our new wardrobes away wearing only a diaper. He says I'm not allowed to wear anything else until tomorrow. I think the punishments are going to keep getting worse. I wish I hadn't yelled. I have to go downstairs soon for family time, then we have to go to bed early. We have another therapy session tomorrow. I really hope things get better. This is awful. 

Signed,
Ashley

Saturday, June 22, 2002

So much happened, I don't even know where to start. We saw Dr. Ramirez again and it was even more weird than last time, but I'll get to that in a minute. I need to talk about last night. I went downstairs for family time and started shivering on account of being half naked. Wynn actually started being nice to me for once. She sat next to me and shared her blanket to keep me warm. We sat there like that for a whole movie! We even talked again at night without arguing. Wynn says she's had lots of boyfriends, but I think she might be lying. She says dad's dick is the biggest one she's seen before, though. That's what she calls it. His dick. I like how it sounds. I looked up some more pictures. There are way bigger dicks than dad's. But I still like the way dad's one looks. I listened to her touching herself again after she thought I was sleeping. I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed about doing it too. 

Dad washed us again this morning after changing our diapers. Wynn actually peed in hers! I wonder how long she's been holding it. Her bladder must have been hurting! We did get to use the toilet once yesterday, but still. Dad's dick was hard again. When he was washing me, I couldn't get close enough to feel it. But I didn't bother holding my breath when he washed my pussy. It felt even better than yesterday. He left the bathroom without washing himself again. That doesn't seem fair. 

He made us wear baby onesies over our diapers to the doctor's office, with our bare legs exposed down to our sneakers. We were ambushed with pointing, staring strangers for the entire two block hike from our parking spot. Dad waved at one of them like nothing was wrong. It's like he's trying to embarrass us or something! 

The therapy session was just as weird as last time. Dr. Ramirez gave us that gross tasting orange juice again. Dad put his hands on our foreheads, she talked in that soft voice, I started getting really tired, then I fell asleep. I had the same dream. Well, maybe it was the same. I remember it better this time. Dad and I were definitely naked in this one. We were on the raft again. He held me, his hand sliding down my body, pulling the butterflies with it. His fingers slid over my pussy like when he washes me, but this time he didn't stop. He kept moving up and down, creating more and more butterflies. I've never felt anything like that before in a dream.

When I woke up, the whole hour had passed again. Dad was blushing just like last time, and he looked out of breath. Dr. Ramirez was smiling and she had a notebook open, full of writing. What the hell? What happened? What was that dream? 

After we left, things seemed calm compared to the last few days. Dad took us for ice cream. We had dinner and "family time" without anyone exploding or getting spanked. Dad let us use the toilet. But I don't trust Dr. Ramirez. Why is Wynn doing whatever dad says now? Why did Aunty Imogen have to warn dad about Dr. Ramirez before recommending her? Why is a "taboo" doctor making dad put us in diapers? Why do I keep passing out? I bet she put something in that orange juice. I need to think of something.

Signed,
Ashley

Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Sorry I didn't write anything for the last two days. There's not much to tell. We hung out around the house. Dad made us go to the park, but we got to wear skirts and you almost couldn't notice the diapers. Wynn and I got in a few fights and we both got spankings a few times. I was right about the punishments getting worse. Dad increased the number of spankings from ten to fifteen, but now he makes us spread our legs when he does it. He says being embarrassed is part of the punishment. Yesterday I had to be completely naked for an hour in "time out" while Wynn watched TV next to me. I'm embarrassed to admit it but I thought about it when I was touching myself last night. We have another therapy session on Thursday and I think I have an idea on how to stay awake. I'm going to ask dad for a sippy cup. If i'm right about the orange juice, this might work. 

Signed,
Ashley

Thursday, June 27, 2002

At the beginning of this diary I wrote that things keep getting weirder by the minute. I wish I could go back to that version of me. I had no idea. I don't even know what to believe anymore. I'll try my best to keep everything in order. 

Today started like most days this week. Dad actually washed himself in front us. He was hard, and he didn't try to hide his dick. Wynn nudged me when she saw me staring, but dad didn't seem to notice. 

Wynn made fun of me when I asked to bring the sippy cup, but dad didn't mind. I told him I got thirsty during therapy and he seemed to think it was a good idea. He filled it with water for me. I'm glad he bought me a pink one instead of clear. I kept the cup in my lips the entire car ride, as if constantly sipping at it. Wynn tried to make fun of me, but when she didn't get a response she eventually gave up. On the walk to the office, dad asked if I was doing okay. I nodded without taking the cup out of my mouth. He seemed worried but let it go. When it was time to drink the orange juice, Dr. Ramirez offered to take my cup away. I panicked and said that I'd rather have a sip of water after, because of the taste. She looked like she was going to say no, then shrugged and said it was fine. The butterflies were going crazy when she handed me the orange juice. It was worse every time I tasted it. I tried to make it look like I swallowed it without actually swallowing any, but I didn't do a very good job. I only managed to keep half of it from going down my throat. I grabbed the sippy cup and spit out the rest into the hole i'd been chewing in the rubber. I don't think anyone noticed. Even though my plan half worked, I was still tired as soon as dad put his hand on my head, and I still passed out. But the dream was different this time. Dad wasn't just rubbing me with his hand. He rubbed his dick all over my body, on my face, on my chest, on my tummy, then up and down my pussy. Just like last time, it felt real. I don't know what a real dick should feel like on my pussy, but it didn't feel like anything else I've felt, and I've never had any dream like that before! The waves rocking me that started gently at first grew more intense. Then I woke up. Or I think I woke up. The couch was shaking. I was naked. I looked up, over my head. Dad and Wynn were naked too, and he was having sex with her! It looked like she was sleeping, but I could hear her moaning. I couldn't see his dick. Maybe he was only rubbing it on her, like he did to me in the dream. He was swearing a bunch and Dr. Ramirez kept telling him how good he was doing. She kept writing in her notebook. His eyes were closed so he didn't notice me watching. I tried to get up so I could get a better look, but I couldn't move my arms. I could hardly see with the room spinning so much. I could feel the moment fading away, like when you're about to wake up from a dream. I tried to hold on to it, to force myself to keep my eyes open. Then I woke up. I didn't go back to sleep. I just woke up. It was the same as last time. An hour had passed. Wynn was yawning. Dad was blushing like crazy. I lost a whole hour. When I went to the bathroom, my pussy was wet and sticky, like when I play with myself. How did that happen without being touched? 

This doesn't make any sense. That had to be real, right? Why would I start having dreams like that for no reason? But why would dad do that? Why hasn't Wynn said anything? Now that I think about it, I've been having dreams like that every night since the first therapy session. And I've never touched myself every night before this started either. I think Dr. Ramirez did something to all of us. Even if it's just dreams, it can't be a coincidence. I'm going to talk to Wynn tonight. 

Signed,
Ashley

Friday, June 28, 2002

My hands are still shaking. Not like I was earlier. It's hard to explain. I don't want to jump around, but Aunty Imogen came over and it was

Okay, I guess I'm not ready. It's a lot. I'll just start with last night.

Dad sat us down before bed, at the kitchen table. It was like the first night he told us we were gonna start wearing diapers. We were both pretty freaked. He told us there's gonna be more changes. We're seeing Dr. Ramirez three times a week instead of two. She thinks we're a special case. And now we get rewards for good behaviour. I asked what that meant, but he wouldn't tell me. That's when we found out Aunty Imogen was staying the weekend. Wynn asked if we had to wear diapers when she was around, but I knew dad would say we did. There's no way he'd let us get away that easy.

When we were in bed, I worked up the courage to ask Wynn about the butterflies. She laughed. She stopped laughing when I brought up the dreams. I told her my dream about waking up on the couch with dad on top of her, and her face turned completely red. She hid under the covers, hissing at me to stop talking. I did. I didn't tell her about my plan with the sippy cup, or my theory about the juice. I don't know why. Eventually she started talking again. We both agree there's something weird about Dr. Ramirez. 

Dad got us up early this morning to get ready for Aunty Imogen. After he took care of our diapers and started the bath, Wynn made a fuss about her pubic hair. I had noticed she was starting to grow a bush. She wanted to shave it like she'd been doing for the last year. Dad didn't like that very much. He said if babies can't bathe themselves, they can't shave either. She was about to lose her temper, but dad offered to do it instead. I've never watched anyone shave before. He had to pull her open at times to do it. When he was done, he poured baby oil on her, but used way too much. He apologized and did his best to rub it in, but I think that was a mistake. His hand kept touching her pussy, and she started to twitch. I knew exactly what it meant. She was making the sounds we both do at night before we orgasm. I think he realized, because he stopped. He was blushing and made us get in the tub. He got in with us, and I noticed his dick was dripping the way I do sometimes. I guess guys do the same thing. He washed us both like usual. I wish I could grab his hand when he washes my pussy and hold it there. When it was his turn, he stood up and washed himself from head to toe, letting us watch. His eyes were closed the whole time, full of soap. His hands kept going back to his dick, like he was worried it wasn't clean. Is that how dad washes himself when we're not there?

When Aunty Imogen got here, dad looked super embarrassed. He tried to explain the diaper thing, but she seemed totally fine with it. Apparently she did the same program with her daughters. That would be my older cousins, Sophia and Penelope. Dad calmed down, but that news surprised him. 

Out of the blue, he dropped that we were going for a beach trip. We almost got excited until we thought about wearing diapers in public again. "How will that even work?" Wynn asked. "Won't they get soggy?" But like usual, dad had an answer for everything. We were going shopping first, to buy new suits and swim diapers. Great. 

The store was packed. Dad said we could pick anything, which was surprising. But I'm smart enough to know what'll go with a diaper and what won't. It had to be a one piece, and it needed legs or a skirt. Even better baggy. Wynn was determined to find a bikini top and a pair of shorts. If only I had the boobs for a bikini. We weren't excited about wearing diapers in public, but the thought of a reward, and having Aunty Imogen around, kept us in check.

When we got to the turn off for our usual beach, we turned the wrong way. "Where are we going?" Wynn asked. A different beach was the answer. We drove for another hour down a dirt road. When finally parked on a gravel clearing next to a lakeside beach. We could hear the sound of playing kids from the beach, and hundreds of frogs coming from the marshland on the other side of the road. Our car was between a bunch of trucks and trailers, crammed together. This was like some kind of secret beach! I guess that meant it didn't have a changing room. Dad made us change right there in the parking lot, behind the car. Aunty Imogen put sunscreen on Wynn while she was still naked. She passed dad a bottle to do me as well. I guess it was kinda like having him wash me, but being in public made it feel totally different. People actually walked by and saw us naked. One man even stopped to watch me and dad didn't seem to care! 

There were a lot of grownups on the beach, but a lot of kids our age too. Even though We tried to pick clothes to hide the diapers, you could still tell we were wearing them. Some of the kids laughed at us. Dad and Aunty Imogen told us to ignore them and make the best of it. There were some nice kids too and I made a couple of friends. Like the name suggests, you can swim in swim diapers. Apparently they don't even absorb pee, so you have to be careful not to use them like a normal diaper. If you want to pee, you basically just go in the lake and do it that way. It's funny, I always thought that was rude. It's like I'm peeing on everyone else. 

Wynn made some friends, and asked to go hang out with them for an hour. Dad said it was fine as long as she was careful about the time. When she came back, her diaper was gone. Maybe it's cause Aunty Imogen is here, but she didn't even try to lie. She hid it in the bushes as soon as she was out of sight, and lost it when it was time to come back. Dad and Aunty Imogen both agreed there would be a punishment when we got home. She didn't seem that upset, as if she was used to getting spanked by now. I sure wasn't. We went for hotdogs and ice cream down the road. I guess the place wasn't secret, after all.

When we sat down for family time, Aunty Imogen nudged dad about the punishment and reward. That confused me. I couldn't figure out what the reward was for. Dad left the room and came back with a blue and white cardboard box that said "magic wand" on the side. Aunty Imogen mentioned Dr. Ramirez when she saw it. Apparently they both got it from her. I could feel the butterflies again. Dad told us both to strip down to our diapers. As we did, he told Wynn that her punishment started now. She was only allowed to wear a diaper for the rest of the weekend. She looked surprised at the lack of spanking. Dad opened the box and pulled out a massager with a long cord and a foam ball on the end. When he brought up rewards last night, I pictured a going to the movies or getting a new toy. A massage seemed like a lame reward for a kid. Aunty Imogen sat really close to me on the couch while dad plugged it in. She told me this was for being a good girl and not breaking any rules. I guess that's all it takes. Dad turned the massager on and sat in front of me on the floor. It started humming. The foam ball fluttered, and made me think of the butterflies. Aunty Imogen held my hand and asked dad if Dr. Ramirez told him what to do. He said yes, but he didn't move. Then she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward me. I had to open my legs to make room. The butterflies swarmed, rising in my chest. Aunty Imogen pulled dad's hand until the massager pressed right against my diaper, fluttering on my pussy. I can't remember what I was thinking. I remember my entire body tingling, like when you lay on your arm too long. "That's right," Aunty Imogen said. She let go of dad's hand when he started to move up and down my pussy on his own. It felt kind of good, but it was almost too much. And it was kind of scary. "You're such a good girl," Aunty Imogen said, and kissed my forehead. I looked up at her and she was smiling at me, rubbing my hand with her thumb. That's the first time she's kissed me like that in a while. I think I relaxed a little. This was like one of my dreams, but it was really happening. Wynn was just watching us, sitting on the floor. She had a hand in her diaper. I think she was touching herself. Aunty Imogen kissed me on the head again, then she kissed me on the mouth! She's never kissed me like that before. Dad gasped, but he didn't stop massaging me. I could feel the butterflies building. I knew I was going to have an orgasm. I started to moan, and I could feel my body twitching as it happened. Dad pulled the massager away, but Aunty Imogen let go of my hand and pulled dad back to my pussy, holding the massager on me. I've never kept going after having an orgasm like that, but she didn't let me stop. I kept twitching and moaning until I had another orgasm. Even then she didn't let go of dad's hand. Suddenly I felt like I had to pee. I tried to say something, but I could hardly speak. Then it happened. I had a third orgasm. I was shaking and moaning, and I wet my diaper. I think I was crying a little too. "Good girl," Aunty Imogen said. She finally let dad pull the massager away. She kissed me on the lips again, rubbing my tummy and chest. When I caught my breath I looked at dad. He looked a little bit freaked out. Wynn was still watching, and definitely touching herself. Aunty Imogen helped dad change my diaper and we watched a movie together, but I can't even remember what we watched. All I remember is Aunty Imogen's warm hand rubbing up and down my chest. 

Anyway, I need to go to sleep because we have another visit with Dr. Ramirez tomorrow, but I think you can see why I needed to get this out of me. I feel a little better now. My hands aren't even shaking anymore. 

Signed,
Ashley

Saturday, June 29, 2002

Normally I try not to jump around. But she's fucking coming here. Dr. Ramirez is coming. She's staying with us. I can't believe it. She tricked me! That bitch! I'm sorry for telling things out of order, but I have to get it out or I'm going to explode. Ok. I'm calm now. I'll start from the beginning. 

Wynn didn't say anything before bed. That's ok because I didn't feel like talking. I was tired, and everything that happened... There's still a bunch of stuff I wanna talk to Wynn about, but I guess it can wait.

Aunty Imogen bathed us while dad took care of breakfast. She agreed to shave Wynn, so I guess that's a daily thing now. She used the right amount of baby oil this time, but she rubbed Wynn's pussy way more than dad did. Actually, she literally gave Wynn an orgasm! I think it was on purpose. When she washed us, she touched us differently than dad does. She uses her fingers more, and slides them between our pussies. I guess it feels nice. When she washed herself, she spread her legs, like she wanted us to watch. It was kind of cool. Wynn looked embarrassed. 

The next few hours were actually pretty normal, besides Wynn being naked. It was almost like the old days when Aunty Imogen would visit. When it was almost time to go, she brought in a big trunk from her car, full of handmedowns. She picked out two outfits for us to wear. Wynn had to wear a sleeveless shirt dress that was small for her. It barely covered her diaper and her nipples showed. She gave me a corduroy onesie to wear. It was also too small, so my diaper and bare legs stuck out the leg holes. Dad parked far away and made us do the same long walk in our outfits again. 

The session started mostly the same, but I was determined not to swallow any of the weird juice this time. I actually managed it, spitting almost all of it into my sippy cup. I only swallowed the bit that stuck to the inside of my mouth. Again, we were made to lay down as Dr. Ramirez did her ritual. I could feel her suggestions pulling me into the dream, but I forced myself to stay awake. She did a guided meditation about drifting to a safe place. It was weird listening to it without being in the dream. It felt so much less powerful. Then, she told us we were in a deep, dreamless sleep. Yeah, right! That's when she started talking to dad. She asked him how the reward system went, and he told her. She didn't sound as worried as he did. In fact, she seemed happy when he told her about Aunty Imogen helping. Then she asked him about his "sexual feelings" towards us. I couldn't believe it. He said he was starting to accept them. Does that mean he likes us? Does dad want to touch me the way I think about touching him? They talked about more stuff but I could hardly think after I heard that. My head still spins when I think about it. 

My ears perked up when she mentioned doing another guided meditation. "Let's start with "Wynn this time," she said. She spoke to both of us like she was telling us a story, guiding us through a forest. Finally, she told Wynn to open her eyes and sit up. I could feel Wynn moving on the couch. I peeked over to watch. Her eyes were open, but she didn't look awake. "Take off your clothes, Wynn." She stood up and obeyed, moving like a robot. Dr. Ramirez nodded at dad and he started getting naked, too. She had Wynn sit back on the couch and dad stand in front of her. His dick was hard and dripping, and it was right in front of her mouth. From where I was watching, they were right above me. "You know what to do," Dr. Ramirez said. 

"God, this is wrong," dad said.

"No it's not," she said. "Look how hard your daughters make you." She walked right up to us and grabbed his dick and started rubbing it! "And do you think they don't want you back? Wynn, are you a good baby?" Wynn said yes in a sleepy voice. "Does baby want to obey her daddy?" Yes. "Does baby want to taste her daddy?" Again, yes. "Go on, baby, open your mouth for daddy." Wynn opened her mouth and Dr. Ramirez pulled dad's dick forward until it was on her tongue. Then he pushed forward and it went inside her mouth! Wynn told me about blowjobs. She said she's given blowjobs before. I didn't believe her. Well, I guess she's given one now! 

"Oh, god," dad said and started moving in and out of her mouth. Dr. Ramirez let go and went back to her chair. I could hear her writing in her notebook. Dad kept moaning and moving his hips. Wynn was making lots of wet sucking sounds and drooling a bunch. Her spit was dripping down her chin and her boobs. It was almost funny, but it was really hot too. I wanted to touch myself, but I knew I couldn't move or everyone would know I was awake. Suddenly dad began to moan and twitch. I realized he was having an orgasm when he grabbed Wynn's head and pushed himself all the way in her mouth. "Oh, fuck," he said. He actually said that. I don't think I've ever heard him swear like that before. When he finally let go, there was a lot of slime. I wonder if that was her spit or his semen. I wonder what it tasted like. I wonder how it fit in her mouth. "Sorry, I meant to hold it in," he said. 

"Don't apologize," Dr. Ramirez said. "It's good you're exploring things in a safe setting like this. That must have take a lot out of you. Why don't you clean up and step outside for some air? I can take care of things in here." I closed my eyes again. I could hear dad walk out. I listened to her clean Wynn up and put her clothes on. I felt Wynn lay on the couch next to me. My heart was racing now that Dr. Ramirez and I were the only ones awake in the room. I could hear her pen tapping as she sat in her chair. How long were we going to wait here? I jumped when she suddenly spoke. "How long have you been pretending to take the medicine?" At first I pretended not to hear. "I'm not stupid, Ashley. Sit up." I did so. She looked curious, more than angry. "It was the sippy cup, right? That was a clever trick." I couldn't say anything. I just stared at the floor. "You haven't told anyone about it." I could tell that wasn't a question. She really was smart. How did she figure that out? "Are you going to tell your sister?" I looked up at her and shrugged. She laughed at that. "Oh? That's interesting. Why not?"

"I dunno," I whispered. I never really thought that much about why I haven't told her. When I tried then, I think I might have said I wanted to have a mystery to solve for myself. Or maybe that I wanted to be sure about the truth before I told anyone, in case I was wrong. But I couldn't get my voice out. 

She kept tapping on her notebook with her pen and smiling at me. "You know what I think? I think you haven't told her because you're scared she'll tell someone, and this will all stop."

"No!"

"Yeah. You watched what happened today and you didn't say anything. Did you like it?"

I didn't say anything.

"Do you want to try it, yourself?"

My heart started racing again at the thought of dad putting his dick in my mouth. I shrugged. "I dunno..."

"Did you like your reward yesterday?" I could hear the smile in her voice. 

I couldn't answer that. If I think about it too much I can still feel the massager. I realized she was distracting me. "You're not a real doctor, are you?"

"I am. And this is real therapy. I'm actually trying to help you three, believe it or not. My methods are just unorthodox."

The word popped into my head. "Taboo?"

She laughed again. "Exactly! I'll tell you what. As long as you want to keep playing this little game of pretend, I won't say anything. I don't mind. It can be our little secret. Just be a good girl and play along, okay?"

I nodded, thinking I was getting my way. I had no idea what a liar she could be. It should have been obvious.

"Well, since we're getting along, you must still have questions. I'm in a giving mood. You can ask one more."

I knew exactly what to ask. "What's in the juice?"

"It's actually nothing special. Orange juice, tequila, and a pinch of sleep aid. Everything else I do is regular therapeutic hypnosis."

I was pretending to sleep again when dad came back. I was ready for her to continue the session when she completely changed directions. She said we were cutting today short and was "elevating" our case. She would be staying with us for a full week, starting Monday! I nearly sat up right then. I could hear dad almost fall out of his chair. He asked if that was necessary. She told him our situaiton needed drastic measures if we were gonna see any positive change. That fucking liar. 

Anyway, now you know what happened. Maybe I do want dad. But what if she made me want him? What if she made him want us? Did she mess with our heads? Or am I overreacting? If this is forbidden therapy, maybe it's forbidden for a reason. I'm scared she's right about me. I don't want Wynn to tell anyone, and I think it's because I'm scared of this stopping. But I don't like being around Dr. Ramirez, either. She freaks me out. I don't really know who to talk to. Maybe I can talk to Aunty Imogen. She's still here for one more day... I'll have to think about it. 

Signed,
Ashley

Sunday, June 30, 2002

I made a big mistake. I asked Wynn about our diaries at breakfast. I don't even remember what I said. If I knew she didn't have one, I wouldn't have said anything. Dad flipped out. Aunty Imogen got in on it, too. They were both harping how important it is to write every day. I guess I shouldn't mention the days I skipped. I thought Wynn was gonna get spanked for sure, but I guess we're not doing spankings anymore. Dad said he'd think of a punishment later, since she was already naked, but Aunty Imogen had an idea. "You still do game nights with your buddies?" Dad asked if that was really a good idea. I can tell you, every time his buddies come over they make pervy comments about us. And that's when we're wearing normal clothes, never mind diapers or walking around naked! "You tell me," Aunty Imogen said. "Can they behave themselves?" 

"You're talking about using them as punishment? What do you have in mind?"

"Nothing crazy! Wynn hangs out around the boys for a couple hours, we play a few rounds of cards, drink a couple cases of beer, everyone gets some eye candy. A bit of humiliation beats out spankings is what I say."

Wynn and I stared at each other. They were talking like we weren't in the room. I don't think that's better than spankings. I think she was thinking the same thing. On top of that, now she has to write an essay about everything she learned in the last week, and diary entries every day, which dad's gonna check for the first week. I can't imagine what I'd do if dad read my diary!

Maybe Aunty Imogen's right about spankings, though. Mom used to spank us, and she wasn't very nice. She did leave us after all. She didn't even try to make things work. I don't think dad ever liked spanking us. Maybe this is better. Dr. Ramirez did say she was trying to help us. But I've never heard of any other families doing this kind of therapy. Besides Aunty Imogen.

Dad made us go to the park after that. Wynn normally doesn't like that kinda stuff, but I think she was happy just to put some clothes on. We almost ran into some kids from school, so we jumped the fence into the alley. The last thing we needed was a reputation for wearing diapers. Anyway, it was a short walk to the nature preserve. We actually talked like sisters for once. Aside from bed time. We found a secret spot by the pond. You have to take a path from the clearing, through the bushes, and down the hill by the water. You gotta be careful to step over the branches and thorns, or you'll prick yourself. There's a tangle of dry bramble, but if you climb inside, it's like a little fort. You could tell someone was there because there were some old cigarettes, but we threw them out and claimed it for ourselves. I asked if she thought hypnosis was real. She shrugged and said "I dunno." I asked if she remembered her dream from the therapy session yesterday, but she wouldn't tell me. Then I asked if she's really given a blowjob before, and she asked why I wanna know. I shrugged. It's not like I could tell the real reason without explaining everything. Then she said she did, but just with one guy. I asked if she liked it. She said it was pretty cool, but he "came" too fast. Apparently you can say "cum" instead of orgasm. She asked if I've ever given a blowjob and I laughed. I asked if it felt good when Aunty Imogen made her cum (it happened this morning too, I just didn't mention it). She blushed and said "of course." She asked if it felt good when dad made me cum with the massager. I said it did. Or I think it did. Almost too good. I think we're both jealous of each other. When I answered the question, I realized she was touching herself over the diaper. She blushed and took her hand away. I wish she didn't. "We should get back," she said. I leaned over and kissed her. Her lips felt warm and wet. I could feel her breathing on me. She didn't stop me. Then we left our secret spot and walked home.

While we were waiting for the guys to come over, Aunty Imogen had us unpack her trunk full of handmedowns. It was like a pirate chest full of treasure, but the "treasure" was all baby stuff. It wasn't just clothes. There were soothers, baby bottles, rattles, teethers, and small stuffies. She helped us divide everything. I guess her daughters did the "therapy" thing when they were younger because all the clothes were too small. So much for our new wardrobe. She picked out a dress for me to wear. I think it should have been for Wynn because it's one of the only things that actually fits me. I finished putting everything away early and found her packing in her room. At first I thought she was leaving early, but she said she was just getting ready for tomorrow. Apparently she leaves first thing in the morning. I wish she could stay all week. I almost didn't say anything. Then I asked what she thought of Dr. Ramirez. I expected her to sing her praises or something, but I think Aunty Imogen always knows when something is wrong. She asked if there's anything I wanna talk about. I just nodded. I don't know why but I started crying. So stupid! I can't believe I did that! She ran over and hugged me. She told me to come to her room later tonight and we'd talk all about it, after the party. I'm going to do that. I really wish she didn't have to go.

Not all of dad's friends showed up for cards. I guess it was too short notice. Usually there are five, but today it was just Vince, Perry, and Dean. Usually there was also Gus and Briggs. Briggs is funny. He's the only one we get along with. He does coin tricks and tells us stories from the army. I don't think his name is actually Briggs. The guys just call him that. The rest of the guys are perverts. I wish dad could find new friends. Wynn says most of them were mom's friends, anyway. 

Dad made me invite them in, and they didn't seem bothered by me wearing a diaper. Vince did call me "babygirl", and he's never said that before, so maybe dad told them on the phone before. They set up the game in the rec room so I could play video games while they kept an eye on me, while Wynn was forced to stay near them at the table. Aunty Imogen played too, making five players total. 

Usually the guys would ogle us and make comments, but I was invisible tonight because of Wynn. All the guys were staring at her boobs. Dean actually reached over the table and pinched her side, "Shit, Michael. She's my daughter's age. This is quite the party favor." Michael is dad's name.

"Hey!" Wynn yelled and jumped back.

Dad blushed. "Actually, it was my sister's idea. It's for a punishment." He didn't even tell him off! 

Dean laughed. "Damn, sis! You got a twisted mind!" 

Aunty Imogen just smiled and reached into her purse. "Well, you gotta keep the little tykes in check. Speaking of..." then she pulled out a soother and walked over to Wynn. She touched Wynn's face and put the soother in her mouth. "Come on, baby. You know this is for your punishment. Good babies don't talk back. Now let's behave and let the adults play cards, yeah?" Wynn just stared at her. "Yeah?" Wynn nodded. "Good baby." The boys started hooting and whistling as she sat down. Perry said he'd leave his wife if she'd marry him. "Sorry, boys. You'll have to try harder than that."

After that, the boys started groping Wynn constantly. Her side, her legs, her tummy, even her diaper. But most of all their hands were all over her boobs. Dad pretended not to notice, but Aunty Imogen watched the whole time. She kept biting her lip and smiling. Obviously I feel terrible for Wynn. It's my fault this happened. But there's another part of me that feels... I dunno. Let's just say I would take her place, and I wouldn't mind.

Halfway through the game she tugged on Aunty Imogen's shirt and whispered in her ear. Aunty Imogen just giggled and said out loud, "Baby, you know the rules. You can't use the toilet for that. If you have to pee, that's what your diaper is for. Go ahead, and we can change you right here." The boys laughed and hollered when they heard that. Wynn looked like she was going to cry. "Oh, baby," Aunty Imogen said.  "Here, why don't we lighten the mood." She got up and came back a few minutes later with two baby bottles. She gave one to Wynn and walked over to give one to me! 

"What's this?" I asked. 

"It's called a mudslide."

"Imogen, wait," dad said.

"It's fine! They have adult supervision! And they'll be sober in a couple hours. Our parents gave us worse."

Wynn looked at the bottle. "We get to have alcohol?"

I think dad was annoyed. "Just this one time." I wonder if he knows Dr. Ramirez has been giving us tequila. Probably not.

Wynn got drunk fast. I could tell I was drunk too, but I could still think clearly. I thought being drunk got you stupid. Wynn got kind of stupid. But she got cute too. And she got ticklish. The guys thought it was hilarious and started tickling her. They were barely even playing the game. That was when she peed. I think Aunty Imogen did that on purpose. Dad and Aunty Imogen laid out a changing blanket and cleaned her right in front of everyone. They started booing when she stopped rubbing Wynn's pussy. "Wynn, do you think you'll need to pee again, soon?"

Wynn shook her head. "Nuh uh!" She was still drunk.

"Will you tell me when you have to pee?"

"Uh huh!"

"Alright, then." She helped Wynn up. 

Now Wynn was totally naked! The boys loved that. Vince asked her to sit in his lap. Aunty Imogen pushed her over to him. She sat on his knee, facing the table. After a few minutes, he started rubbing her pussy. Then all the guys started taking turns like that. Perry actually made her cum! She was moaning so loud that everyone stopped and watched, even dad. Even then he didn't stop anything from happening. Maybe he doesn't want this to stop. Maybe he's like me. Perry's fingers were all wet from Wynn's pussy. He put them up to his mouth and licked them. I've never thought of doing that before. What do I taste like after I cum? What does Wynn taste like? 

The game went on for a few hours, then everyone went home. I guess we aren't doing family time tonight. I think Wynn is too drunk, anyway. She's totally passed out, and it's already bed time. I know I should sleep. I already wasted so much time doing this dumb diary. But Aunty Imogen said I could talk to her. And this is my last chance. I'm gonna go see if she's awake. 

Signed,
Ashley

Monday, July 1, 2002

Last night was special. No matter what happens, even if I'm alone, I can still hold onto it. Aunty Imogen was already in bed but she was waiting for me. She invited me under the covers, saying I could stay the night. She warned me she sleeps naked. We were already naked in the bath together so I don't know why it was embarrassing, but it was. But it was exciting, too. The idea of laying naked in bed with her made the butterflies do somersaults. I took off my nightie and said, "me too." I could tell she knew I was fibbing by the way she smiled. It took a while to start talking, but when I did, I told her everything. I told her about the sippy cup and my theory about the juice, about waking up with dad on top of Wynn, about watching her give dad a blowjob, about my conversation with Dr. Ramirez, about Dr. Ramirez catching me, about our conversation, about the tequila and sleeping medicine. I told her about being scared Dr. Ramirez is the one who put everyone's feelings there, that she made me want dad, or him want me. By the time I was done talking I realized I was crying again. Aunty Imogen just held me at first and rubbed my head. I felt stupid, sobbing against her. I was getting snot on her shoulder, but she didn't care. She squeezed me close and called me a good baby. That shouldn't have felt nice, but it did. She was so warm. Eventually I stopped crying. Then I realized her boobs were pressing against me. She touched my chin and kissed my tears. Then she kissed me on the lips. She kept kissing me and I kissed her back. 

After a while, she asked if I felt any better. I actually did. None of the problems were fixed, but telling someone helped. Then she told me about when Sophia and Penelope were little, how they would fight all the time like me and Wynn. Just like us, lots of therapists gave up on them. She found Dr. Ramirez in the yellow pages. At first she was scared she was doing the wrong thing, but it opened her mind and brought them closer. She said they're living healthy lives. That's probably true. When they come over, they're really nice to us and they seem happy. 

"Now let's talk about fake feelings," she said. The butterflies thudded against my chest at that. She took my hand and pulled it down between her legs until I was touching her pussy. It felt different from mine. Some parts were on the outside. She was really slippery. She moaned and moved her hips, pressing my hand tighter. "You know what it means when a girl is turned on?"

I said yes.

"Dr. Ramirez didn't make me feel this. You did."

I realized what she was showing me. She did therapy with my cousins. Dr. Ramirez could have put feelings in her head for them, but not for me. I wasn't there at the time. That means this was real. Aunty Imogen really wanted me last night. She really likes me. I think I'm in love with her.

She kissed me again and used my hand to touch herself. The butterflies were beating with my heart. I loved the idea that I was making her feel good. I wanted more. It was like I couldn't get enough. I moved my fingers and tried to help. She made a cute sound like a puppy whining and it almost made me giggle. I kissed her back and that made her really happy.

Suddenly, she got up. I thought I did something wrong at first, but she was still smiling. She crawled up the bed, pulling the covers off. She's so beautiful. She was on her knees, with her legs on both sides of me. She held my hand and brought it to her pussy again. She showed me how to push my fingers inside. She was so warm and wet inside. I could feel her pussy squeezing me. It felt really nice. She wanted me to use all of my fingers. I was scared to hurt her, but she said, "Aunty needs this, baby." I guess she's done it before. I pushed my fingers in and she moaned again. She held my wrist and showed me how fast to go. She used her other hand to rub her button. I got the idea and started pushing in and out on my own. She really liked that. She let go of my wrist and started pinching her nipple. She was talking really dirty to me. She called me a good baby, told me to fuck my aunty and make her cum. The more she said, the more the butterflies tickled me. Finally she started to cum. She was moving back and forth with my whole hand inside her. She moaned really loud and almost yelled, "Oh, fuck yes, baby!" I think the whole house probably heard her. She started shaking, way more than Wynn or I do when we cum. She was so wet that she made a mess on my tummy. It was almost like she peed on me. "Oh, god," she said. She made sounds and kept shaking for a while, holding my fingers inside her. My fingers felt pruny like when I stay too long in the bath. Finally she let go. She leaned down and kissed me again and again, saying "thank you" between each one. I can't believe I made her feel so good.

Then she said it was time for my reward. I totally forgot until then, I didn't get one yesterday. I thought she was going to get the massager. Instead she started kissing her way down my body until she got to my diaper. I tried not to giggle. She pulled my diaper off and kissed my legs, then got between them and started kissing my pussy. Then she started licking it. It felt weird. It tickled, and it felt good too, but I didn't get what she was trying to do. Then I figured it out. It was like a blowjob, but different. She used her fingers and mouth at the same time and it was so good. It was way better than touching myself. It wasn't as intense as the massager, but that's a good thing. The massager is too much. I like this better. Especially because it's Aunty Imogen doing it and we love each other. She made me cum and it felt amazing! She put a new diaper on me and we fell asleep together.

She got up early to leave. Everyone was still asleep besides us. I didn't bother putting clothes on. I was too tired and sad to care. I walked her to the car, and she kissed me before she left. It was a grown up kiss. I still remember the feeling of her tongue playing with mine. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. I should have felt naughty walking around the house naked, but I just felt empty. I sat on the couch and tried to touch myself, but I just cried instead. 

Dad got up an hour later to get us ready for Dr. Ramirez. When he shaved Wynn, he didn't make her cum like Aunty Imogen did. She started touching herself with the baby oil, trying to do it herself. Dad looked annoyed and told her off, but she was being sassy. "What? It feels good." I think he was too embarrassed to say anything else. She kept touching herself in the bath, only stopping so dad could wash her pussy. I couldn't help but watch her. Even dad couldn't look away. When he washed himself, he spent a long time rubbing his dick. Wynn and dad were both watching each other, just touching themselves. Wynn made herself cum. She didn't seem embarrassed at all about showing off today. Maybe she was still thinking about yesterday. Dad looked like he was about to cum. He was moaning, and his tummy was twitching. His dick was dripping a lot. He stopped himself before anything happened. I wish he'd let us watch him cum. He does much more naughty things in therapy. It's not fair. 

Dr. Ramirez showed up with a bunch of suitcases. It looked like she was moving in forever instead of a week. Dad showed her around the house. He told us when she's around, she's in charge, just like him. It's kind of like having a mom. A mom I don't really want. She sat us all down to talk. While she's living here, we have to start calling her Celia. She wants to get closer to us, so she can do her job better. I guess now we're doing therapy sessions every single day. That's awful. And I haven't even gotten to the worst part yet. 

The therapy session was about to start and I couldn't find my sippy cup. I asked dad and he said it was in the dishwasher. I haven't used it in 2 days. It should have been washed already! Dad went to the kitchen and brought me a baby bottle full of water. I knew that wasn't going to work. Maybe if he could just wash my cup. I told him that it had to be mine. Then dad and Dr. Ramirez both got mad. They warned me about throwing tantrums. I knew I was about to get in trouble, but I knew drinking the juice was worse. I thought maybe if I said something to dad in the right way. All I managed to get out was, "Dad!"  

He got really angry. "I just warned you. You're going to have a punishment later."

I felt like crying. Dr. Ramirez was smiling at me. She knew what I was trying to do. If I kept pushing, I'd just make the punishment worse. I put the bottle down and took the juice. Wynn was looking at me weird. I closed my eyes and drank it in one sip. I wondered how much of the taste was tequila and how much was the sleeping medicine. It made me want to throw up. 

I had a dream again. None of them were really dreams. But this one felt more real than ever. It wasn't fuzzy or far away. It was almost like being awake, but I was too tired to change anything. It was like the last therapy session with Wynn, but this time, I was the one giving dad a blowjob. Dr. Ramirez looked like mom in the dream. She kept calling herself mommy. I couldn't make myself disobey her, but I don't think I wanted to. I could taste dad's dick. I felt it filling my whole mouth. I shouldn't be embarrassed to write in my own diary. Everyone keeps calling me a "good baby", but I actually felt like one in the dream. His dick felt amazing, twitching against my lips as filled my mouth up with his semen. Mommy made me swallow everything. 

I woke up on the couch, just like I fell asleep. I wasn't naked or messy, but I knew it wasn't a dream. My throat felt sore from dad's dick. I could still taste his semen. Now I know what it's like. Dr. Ramirez made me strip down to my diaper. I have to stay like this for two days. That's fine I guess. I tried to ask a question and forgot to call her Celia, and she gave me a warning. I have to be careful. "Celia" helped dad use the massager for Wynn's reward. Wynn kept cumming again and again. Her diaper was soaked when they changed it. 

Wynn's in bed now, passed out. I wish I could talk to her. I keep thinking about Aunty Imogen. I want someone to hold me like she did. Maybe I can trust Wynn after all. Maybe I could show her what Aunty Imogen showed me.

Signed,
Ashley

Tuesday, July 2, 2002

Dr. Ramirez bathed us today. She was fast with shaving Wynn and didn't spend any time playing with her. It was different when she washed us. She put her fingers inside, kind of like what I did to Aunty Imogen. She didn't use all her fingers, though. That would have been scary. She only used two. Even that much kind of hurt. There was a little blood, but she said it was normal. She kept moving her fingers in and out. It tingled and kind of hurt at first, but after a while it started to feel good. Then she used her thumb on my button and it felt incredible. I started to cum, and she stopped me from falling over. She did the same thing to Wynn. Then she got on the side of the tub and made herself cum the same way. I still think Aunty Imogen is the most beautiful woman in the world, but I have to admit, she looked really sexy. My pussy is still sore from her fingers. But now I'm curious. I never thought of putting anything up there. I know a dick is supposed to go up there, but that was just an idea. Even after I did it to Aunty Imogen, I didn't think of anyone doing it to me. Now it's not just an idea. I wonder if dad's dick could fit in me.

I decided to tell Wynn everything. I knew we couldn't talk here. I had an idea that Wynn might freak out, and we'd get in trouble. We had to go somewhere safe. I asked dad if we could go to the park. He said we could, so I made to go get dressed, but Dr. Ramirez stopped me. Apparently going naked for two days means actually going naked, with no exceptions. Dad and I were both confused. I asked how I was supposed to go outside. I almost called her Dr. Ramirez again. I think I should stop calling her that in my diary. I don't want to mess up and get in even more trouble. She mentioned the wagon in the back yard. She said I could take some blankets and up. "Why not make a picnic out of it?"

Dad looked concerned. "You want her running naked down the street? That'd be a bad look."

Celia looked out the window and rolled her eyes. "Cariño, in this neighborhood? If anything happens, just say kids will be kids." 

Dad still looked worried, but he said it would be okay as long as we didn't get caught. He helped us make sandwiches and put the wagon together. 

It felt weird being on our street, naked. Even if I was covered with the blanket. We passed some girls from my class last year. They said hi, but didn't stop to talk. Thank god. I would have died. Wynn was pretty nervous too. You could see she was wearing a diaper, even with her skirt. And she wasn't allowed to wear a bra, so her boobs were completely showing. I think the girls were staring at her more than me. When we got to the nature preserve, I couldn't walk with the blanket. It kept getting stuck on the branches. I had to ball it up and walk naked. I got pretty scratched up. Our secret fort was just like we left it. We set up the picnic and ate lunch. We talked about dumb stuff. Boys, and books, and sex. The butterflies were trying to push the words out of my mouth but they were stuck. I was scared. Wynn kept talking about a boy who liked her last year who wouldn't leave her alone. I knew I had to say something then or I never would. Then it all spilled out of me. I told her almost everything I told Aunty Imogen. She got really quiet. A long time passed and she wouldn't look at me. I asked if she was mad at me, and she shrugged. I had to keep going. I knew we were going to have another therapy session soon. I told her about my plan. She didn't answer. I asked if she'd join me. She got up and walked away. I was stuck there in the bush, wearing only a diaper. I think about ten minutes passed, and I started crying. Then she came back and said, "come on, already." I thought she'd gone. She walked me home without saying a word.

I get why she was mad. I kept a secret from her. A secret about her. I should have told her earlier. I'm a bad sister for that. But I was mad too. Celia's the one who barged into our life, making us do all this. She made me give dad a blowjob without even asking. I would have done it without her. Aunty Imogen proved my feelings are real. I snuck into the cabinet and cut the tips off all the baby bottles. Just enough so I could spit juice into them. I never wanted to get hypnotized again. If I'm going to do stuff like that with dad, I want to do it by myself.

Wynn knocked on my door right before therapy was about to start. She came in without waiting. "Are you ready?"

I was confused. "I thought you were mad at me."

Wynn shrugged. "Maybe. But I'll go along with your plan. I'm not saying I believe you. I want to see what happens."

I told her she couldn't let anyone know she was awake, no matter what happened.

"I know!"

It felt like she was brushing me off. I said we'd get in huge trouble if we got caught. 

"I'm not a baby!"

We both started giggling.

About ten minutes into therapy, things started getting lewd. Celia took out dad's dick and started rubbing it. I heard Wynn gasp. I was already worried she'd blow our cover. Celia said, "You wanna fuck your little girls, don't you?"

Dad moaned. "Christ, what is with you today?"

She stopped for a second, then said, "Nothing, just checking your reaction."

He moaned again. "I guess this is the reaction you wanted?"

She started giving him orders. He walked over to me and rubbed his dick up and down my leg, pushing against my diaper. Then she made him pull the diaper to the side and rub his dick on my pussy. I did my best not to move. I'm glad I was awake but I wish we could have been alone. I wanted so bad to open my eyes and kiss him. Eventually she made him stop. She started a guided meditation. In this one, I had a terrible cold and dad was bringing me medicine.

"Daddy has put your medicine on a popsicle stick," she said. "Go on, baby, say aah so daddy can rub the medicine on your tongue."

I did like she said and dad put his dick on my tongue. He rubbed it back and forth. I could feel it dripping. It tasted just like I remembered.

Celia sounded very happy. "Good girl. What a good baby."

Dad kept panting. I heard him say "fuck" under his breath. He finally stopped when Celia was satisfied. Then she had him move over to Wynn and start from the beginning. I could see Wynn's hands shaking. I wish I could have held them. He climbed on her and started rubbing his dick up her leg. Then he pulled her diaper aside and pushed his dick inside. 

That's when she opened her eyes and panicked. Dad was startled and sat up. She got off the couch and backed across the room. She kept repeating herself. "No. No. What the fuck?" I got up too and tried to call out to her, maybe to calm her down. Everything was wrong. Dad looked scared. Then Celia whistled. It was a short, high sound that hurt my ears. Wynn got really calm. 

Dad turned to Celia. "What's going on?" He turned to Wynn. "Are you okay?"

Celia held her hands out. "Everything is okay. And Ashley here can explain everything, can't you, angelita?"

Dad looked at me, even more confused. I couldn't talk. How could I explain anything? I was scared frozen from Celia's whistling trick. I had no idea what she just did to Wynn. She made her sit back down and drink the juice properly. Then she explained my "juice stunt" to dad. He looked disappointed and worried. She said I'd get a very big punishment tomorrow. Then she gave me the bottle I didn't drink.

"This is the last time. No more juice after today. I promise."

That sounded too good to be true, but dad nodded at me.

I didn't have a dream this time. When I woke up, I realized Wynn wasn't on the couch with me. I sat up in a panic, looking around the room. She was standing next to dad and Celia, wearing just a diaper. "Good morning, Ashley," she said.

I looked at the adults for an answer. Dad was naked now, and Celia was rubbing his dick. I looked at Wynn. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm feeling better."

I looked back at dad. I couldn't think of a single word to say. Celia looked at me and said, "Pay attention, Ashley."

Dad said, "Are you sure?"

Celia put a finger to his lips and said, "Ssssh..." She made Wynn kneel in front of him and open her mouth, then started rubbing him on her tongue. After a while she stopped and turned to me again. "Your turn, pequeña. Come here."

I felt myself stand up.

She patted the ground next to Wynn. "Right here."

I started to panic, unable to move. The butterflies in my stomach started to swell. Then Celia did a slow whistle. It sounded different from the earlier one. I suddenly felt very heavy, like when you go up too fast on an elevator. The room was getting darker. The butterflies in my stomach felt completely still, like they were dead. The room was pulled me down and I felt dizzy. Then I heard Celia's voice. 

"You are safe. You are with family. You are taking a deep, slow breath in, that's it. And a slow breath out. That's a good baby."

She kept talking like that and the room came back. The panic went away. Everything felt a little fuzzy after that, like when I got drunk the other night. She told me to kneel in front of dad and open my mouth, and I did. I wanted to. She rubbed dad's dick on my tongue. She started talking dirty again. She called his dick a "cock". I knew the word already. I even knew what it meant from girls at school. But it always sounded silly. But now it sounded hot. She slapped it on my tongue a bunch. I liked the way it made him moan. She made me close my mouth around it and pushed my head forward. 

"Do you like making daddy's cock feel good, baby?"

I nodded, staring up at his reaction.

He seemed to really like that because he moaned and said a bunch of swear words. She grabbed my hair and pushed my head back and forth for a while until he was ready to cum. She kept rubbing him and said "Yeah, how do you like me jacking you off into your little girl's mouth?" I think she likes it as much as he does from the way she talks. He filled my mouth up with his "cum". I guess you can just call semen cum. Why didn't I know that? I really like dad's cum. He seems to like when I swallow it. 

Wynn was touching herself and watching. She asked if she could have a reward. Celia told her to ask again tomorrow. "You're not getting a punishment, but you're not getting a reward. That was naughty, trying to skip your medicine."

I'm not mad about being the only one getting a punishment. It's bad enough I got Wynn punished once already. And she's already mad at me for lying. But I am worried about what's in store for me. I can't stop thinking about what dad's friends did to Wynn. I have a feeling Celia will think of something even worse. 

Wynn and I finally talked before bed. I apologized for keeping secrets. We talked more about our feelings. She said it wasn't me she was mad at, mostly. She was mad at herself for ignoring the truth. Somewhere deep down, she knew the dreams were real. I told her I was scared that all this might go away if Celia stopped. I was scared of it ending before I knew what was real and what wasn't. I don't know if I was making sense, but she seemed to get it. She said she forgives me. I asked if I could cuddle with her for a while and she said yes. I told her about my night with Aunty Imogen. She was intrigued. We agreed to try touching each other under the diaper. She felt different from Aunty Imogen. She was more like me. We tried tasting each other, then ourselves to compare. She tasted kind of like pennies. I liked it. I wanted more. I kissed her the way Aunty Imogen kissed me yesterday morning. I think she's kissed like that before because she knew what to do with her tongue. But she liked it so much she stopped touching my pussy. I didn't mind. I wanted to make her feel good.

"I want to try something," I said.

"Now I'm curious," she whispered.

I pulled her diaper off and folded it at the bottom of the bed. I knew I couldn't get it dirty because there's no way I'd find a fresh one. Then I climbed between her legs and started to kiss and lick her pussy. She covered her mouth and moaned into her hands. I tried my best to copy what Aunty Imogen did to me. I used my mouth to suck on her button, and move my tongue around, and use my fingers like she did. I don't know if I did it properly, but Wynn sure seemed to like it. When she started cumming she whined into the pillow. I could feel her button twitching on my tongue. I didn't want to stop just yet. She was giggling, but I kept going. After a few minutes she started cumming again. She grabbed my head and started panting and humping my mouth. She was wet like Aunty Imogen got.

She finally let me go and took a deep breath. She looked at me, smiling. "Oh, wow. Aunty Imogen taught you that?"

I nodded, wiping my face on my nighty.

"Next time, wake me up."

We both giggled. I wanted to cum too, but I was happy just to make her feel good. I helped put her diaper back on. We cuddled and kissed for a while until she fell asleep.

Signed, 
Ashley